Month: May 2018

God’s Gracious Gifts

Published on by BethanyLeave a comment

I’m currently taking a leadership class, and it’s given me a lot of insight into how I interact with others when I’m in a position to lead them. Let me just note at the outset: I’m realizing I don’t have much leadership experience to draw from to begin with. But I’m happy for the learning experience, especially considering that leading is not always done in official capacities. We all have opportunities to influence others in some form, whether it be at work, school or in friendships.

One element of leadership that we focused on this week is how to encourage the strengths of other people, and it made me think about spiritual gifts. It’s so cool that God has apportioned to everyone certain abilities that help them to fulfill His calling on their lives. Sometimes I lose sight of the fact that the Lord is equipping me to do a valuable work in this present time, and I instead act as though I’m just floating through this life without a clear directive. I don’t always know where I’m being led and there are many times when I have questions about the future, but I can trust that God has a purpose in every season and He will empower me to carry it out with the gifts that the Holy Spirit provides.

I think there are a lot of treasures regarding the nature of spiritual gifts that I have yet to unearth through the scriptures, prayer, and through life experience. But there are a few memories that come to my mind that make me thankful for God’s grace in providing for us to do what he wills. I’ll share this one specifically:

Last summer, I was asked to be a youth counselor at a weeklong Christian camp. Let me express this clearly: I was terrified. Maybe that’s a bit of an overstatement, but I felt largely unqualified to do the job – mainly because I had never even been to a summer camp as a kid. I had no prior youth counseling experience. Yet, despite all of these seemingly glaring disqualifiers, I felt that this was something the Lord wanted me to do. I couldn’t escape it. So I packed up and went, having only a minimal idea of what to really expect. It turned out to be an experience that I will honestly value and remember for the rest of my life, not because I was able to prove myself as having superior counseling abilities – but because God provided for me. He made a way when I was somewhat apprehensive about how things would turn out.

Does that story relate to spiritual gifts? In some way, I think it does. Because even though I’m not sure that I discovered a substantial calling in my life during that time, I learned a lot about God’s ways in apportioning tasks. If I would have decided to go or not go based on my perceived abilities, I would have stayed home… God wanted to show me that he is the decisive giver of every good and perfect thing (James 1:17). Every mission he sends us on and every job he gives us to do comes from him. And the same goes for spiritual gifts. Perhaps the gifting he provides you will surprise you. But he is the decisive giver, and he regularly uses our proclaimed weaknesses to show his strength.

I don’t think about others’ giftings as often as I should, but I want to be more discerning and encouraging of them. Each member of the body of Christ has a crucial role to play, and as we function in a unified manner according to what we’re given, earth-shaking things can happen. Genuine service can happen. And that’s one element of leadership that has been stressed several times in my class already: Service.

I think service can seem daunting. It does to me sometimes. What should I do specifically, and how? What strategies should I employ? I’m thankful that in Christ there is no need for confusion or human striving. God will make a way for us to will and to work for his good pleasure (Philippians 2:13). He’ll show us where to go when we submit to him (Proverbs 3:5-6). He’ll gives us the desires of our hearts (Psalm 37:4). He’ll give us all the power we need (Romans 8:11).

I’m praying that in everything God gives – every calling, gifting, every season that he brings me to – that he will provide me with the grace to be a good steward. I’m praying that he’ll show me how to serve as Jesus served, and that he will make me one who always encourages. I’m praying that he’ll help me to fix my eyes on the Kingdom coming. It’s going to be great.

When Everything is Shaken

Published on by BethanyLeave a comment

I began to struggle in faith a few months after I became a Christian. I can’t even recall what I was experiencing at the time specifically, but I remember feeling very shocked by it all. “Why is this happening? Where has the peaceful quietness gone?” I didn’t understand why I was being confronted with issues I thought had been left in the past. I was a new creation now, after all. I was very glad to find 1 Peter 4:12 -13 in this time. It provided so much comfort:

Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice insofar as you share Christ’s sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed.

As I began to read the scriptures more and learn about what the Christian life entails, I became more aware of the fact that I was being refined. God was molding me into the image of Christ over time, causing me to be more like Him in my words, thoughts and actions.

I can confidently say today that the refining process is not yet complete. I may never admit to it or even consciously think about it, but I know there are times when I feel I’ve learned all there is to learn. I often don’t ask the Lord to prepare me for or guide me through future tests. In many ways, the fiery trials of life are still catching me by surprise. But I do think I’m learning something significant in this turbulent season of life which will strengthen me for what lies ahead:

I’m learning how to die.

For a long time, I wanted to hang on to my control, my dreams, my fears, and everything else that seemed natural for me to cling to. I thought I had surrendered to Christ in the capacity that was required of me. But anything less than everything is not enough. God is emptying me of all I’ve hoped in and held on to that is not Him. All confidence I’ve placed in myself is falling. He’s showing me what it means to die to self. But in the process, he is showing me what it looks like to truly live.

Lately, it feels like so many aspects of my life are being shaken. I think that’s what comes with testing oftentimes. We’re shaken to the core, and the question is: In whom will we trust? And who will we serve? Where is our hope ultimately found? God is revealing where my trust, devotion, and hope have not been found with Christ. And through it all, he’s leading me back to the cross.

At the cross, when I was unfaithful, he was faithful.

At the cross, when I had no future, he gave me a future.

God is still faithful, and he still has a future for me. It’s a future so worth rejoicing in – eternity with him. When my whole world is shaking, I want to believe the promise and the beauty of that hope and future more than anything else. I want to believe that worldly things are of no comparison to the riches of knowing Christ. I want to face the fiery trials of this life head on, not relying on myself, who has died, but on the power of the Holy Spirit, who lives in me.

If I could add one more thing about this time of testing and refinement, especially in reference to that last sentence, it would be this: I am weak. I feel weak. I feel unable, in every way, to conform to the image of Christ. To live in sincere joy, trusting him wholly. But God is fully able and willing to do what I simply cannot do. He will do it.  I can ask, seek, and knock, believing that he will respond.

Friend, I encourage you to do the same. He knows your every need.

Out of Hiding

Published on by Bethany1 Comment

This is going to be difficult to write. And I’m not sure if I’m writing to an audience or if this is just something I need to put down on paper for my own remembrance. But my hope is that it’s helpful, and that it at least somewhat adequately conveys what I believe the Lord has been doing in my heart lately.

I remember once when I was in the third grade, I wrote a short story and decided to share it one afternoon with my class. I don’t remember any feelings of fear or apprehension – just the love of writing and the excitement of expressing it to other people. I can’t recall how the story was received, but oddly, it didn’t really matter. Approval wasn’t the main event.

It’s funny to me that I have this memory from the third grade of uninhibited expression, because it seems that shortly after this event I started to become more concerned with the opinions and possible criticism of others. I became much less likely to share my thoughts, feelings and ideas – even if I had a strong sense that I should. Essentially, I became self-conscious. And this self-consciousness persisted throughout middle school, into high school, into college, and as I am sitting here typing, it is still something I’m dealing with. I’m looking at that last sentence. I didn’t know until recently that I was dealing with it, but oh yes, I am.

I think I really began to accept that I was an insecure person in high school, and my consistent thought was, “This a confidence issue.” If I could just be more confident in who I was and not care so much about what others thought, I would be good. I would be free. But I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t escape the fear of not being accepted and it created in me an anger and a bitterness that colored all that I did. Other people may or may not have been aware of it, but I was.

In college, the anger and the bitterness that accompanied being insecure followed me. However, there was a profound sweetness on the horizon. Because in the spring of my freshman year, Jesus Christ made himself known to a self-proclaimed Christian. He met me in a place of deep sadness and showed me love, grace, and peace. He showed me that I was a sinner in need of a savior and that only he could satisfy.

He showed me that self-consciousness was not a confidence issue. It was a shame issue.

I didn’t need more confidence in my own merits and goodness. I needed the assurance of HIS love and goodness.

I have great parents who have always supported me. I’ve had encouraging friends throughout my life. But I needed the love of my creator to become real to me. He knows every sin I’ve committed, every evil thought and deed, much more clearly than I know them myself. If I could have his love, then the shame would have no grip on me. The Lord of the universe cares and died for me? How could shame compete with the forgiveness of God and an eternal relationship with him?

That was four years ago. And in the time that has passed since then, I have been challenged beyond what I could have comprehended. But I have also been comforted and renewed beyond what I could have hoped for. God certainly does not leave us where he found us. But we backslide. We struggle.

I think I can admit now that I’ve backslidden into a place of self-consciousness more dramatically than I was aware of. It doesn’t look the same as it did when I was in high school or college, so I didn’t recognize it at first. These things can manifest themselves in different ways. For me these days, it looks a lot like control – wanting to have everything together, sticking to a plan, saying the right things, doing the right things, discipline through my own strength, the self-willed pursuit of perfection.

Recently, as the Lord has been leading me through my trail of meticulously crafted and controlled statements, ideas, and plans, I found that my ways have not been getting me closer to His heart. In love, he’s brought me somewhere far more sinister. He’s showing me that I have, in a profound sense, been running from him. I’ve been like Adam and Eve in the garden, hiding from vulnerability and from giving all that I have to my God. I’ve tried to avoid the beautiful mess that comes from living wholeheartedly, because I’m afraid of failure, criticism and embarrassment. I’ve been afraid of being put to shame.

But there’s more sweetness to share because of the love of Jesus.

I’m so thankful today for this love. I’m thankful that those who wait on the Lord will NEVER be put to shame (Isaiah 49:23) and that they can come boldly before the throne of grace (Hebrews 4:16). Those who have believed on Jesus have received the Spirit of adoption as sons and daughters of a Father in Heaven (Romans 8:15). Today I believe more clearly than I have in a long time that these truths and promises are for me. I can pour out my heart before God with fearless abandon because his love is true and faithful.

We don’t have to hide in the darkness. We can be deeply known and deeply loved. And when we experience this love, we will know all the security we’ll ever need. We can be vulnerable, and sometimes, we can be a mess. And we can live with wholehearted freedom.