I began to struggle in faith a few months after I became a Christian. I can’t even recall what I was experiencing at the time specifically, but I remember feeling very shocked by it all. “Why is this happening? Where has the peaceful quietness gone?” I didn’t understand why I was being confronted with issues I thought had been left in the past. I was a new creation now, after all. I was very glad to find 1 Peter 4:12 -13 in this time. It provided so much comfort:

Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice insofar as you share Christ’s sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed.

As I began to read the scriptures more and learn about what the Christian life entails, I became more aware of the fact that I was being refined. God was molding me into the image of Christ over time, causing me to be more like Him in my words, thoughts and actions.

I can confidently say today that the refining process is not yet complete. I may never admit to it or even consciously think about it, but I know there are times when I feel I’ve learned all there is to learn. I often don’t ask the Lord to prepare me for or guide me through future tests. In many ways, the fiery trials of life are still catching me by surprise. But I do think I’m learning something significant in this turbulent season of life which will strengthen me for what lies ahead:

I’m learning how to die.

For a long time, I wanted to hang on to my control, my dreams, my fears, and everything else that seemed natural for me to cling to. I thought I had surrendered to Christ in the capacity that was required of me. But anything less than everything is not enough. God is emptying me of all I’ve hoped in and held on to that is not Him. All confidence I’ve placed in myself is falling. He’s showing me what it means to die to self. But in the process, he is showing me what it looks like to truly live.

Lately, it feels like so many aspects of my life are being shaken. I think that’s what comes with testing oftentimes. We’re shaken to the core, and the question is: In whom will we trust? And who will we serve? Where is our hope ultimately found? God is revealing where my trust, devotion, and hope have not been found with Christ. And through it all, he’s leading me back to the cross.

At the cross, when I was unfaithful, he was faithful.

At the cross, when I had no future, he gave me a future.

God is still faithful, and he still has a future for me. It’s a future so worth rejoicing in – eternity with him. When my whole world is shaking, I want to believe the promise and the beauty of that hope and future more than anything else. I want to believe that worldly things are of no comparison to the riches of knowing Christ. I want to face the fiery trials of this life head on, not relying on myself, who has died, but on the power of the Holy Spirit, who lives in me.

If I could add one more thing about this time of testing and refinement, especially in reference to that last sentence, it would be this: I am weak. I feel weak. I feel unable, in every way, to conform to the image of Christ. To live in sincere joy, trusting him wholly. But God is fully able and willing to do what I simply cannot do. He will do it.  I can ask, seek, and knock, believing that he will respond.

Friend, I encourage you to do the same. He knows your every need.